Just in case y’all don’t know who that the Other Melissa (OM) is an actual person who lives outside my brain and in my house, she is. She is not, as some have suggested, my narcisstic idea of an imaginary friend, or an alternate personality (I think my alternate personality would have a different name, like Eva Destruction or something High Drag). She is my partner. In more than crime.We had no idea the amount of anti-same-name sentiment there was in the world when we got together and it saddens us. Why isn’t there a Brokeback Mountain about our story?! Stop the hate, people. Don’t hate the playa, hate the name. Okay, I’m stopping now.

The OM is very sick. With a cold. Her fever is over 100 101 and she’s miserable. She’s been sitting in front of the TV sipping cough syrup and watching America’s Next Top Model. I’m not sure which season it is, but it’s the one with Kim, the Lesbian from Wesleyan. If a marathon of ANTM (with lesbians!) can’t cure her, I don’t know what can. Help us, Tyra, you’re our only hope…