The other Melissa has one of those enormous expensive artsyfartsy temperamental Epson printers for printing out her stuff. Unfortunately, the cats love to sit on it and they have a tendency to hit buttons at random and things go haywire, so we keep it turned off. Note to self: unplug the motherfucker from now on!

Apparently, sometime last night our cat scientist, Moshi, somehow turned the printer on and threw up on the paper loaded in the tray. Okay, not so surprising. Cats are puke-machines. But wait, it gets better. He then somehow managed (probably with his bony cat ass) to hit exactly the right button to run the vomit-covered paper through the printer, which then began to vomit out its own crazy alien-code prints in protest. This resulted in a pile of vomit-y inkblot prints and a printer…well, you can guess what the inside of the printer looks like.

The other Melissa told me this story while I was at work and I was literally crying I was laughing so hard. Also, she kept saying, “It’s not funny!” which made it even funnier…oh whatever. They already think I’m completely batshit here.

She’s really upset she doesn’t have the whole thing on video. We are plotting a drive-through at the Epson support boards. Problem: cat-vomit-paper-run-through-printer-and-how-to-clean-it-up.

Also, this is her transcript for the ongoing battle for the printer as she tries to simultaneously throttle and comfort the completely traumatized cat who continues to spend time on the same damn printer in exactly the same place:

Get OFF my FUCKIN prinTER MoSHI. It’s ok You’re ALRIGHT. You’ll be OK.
Get OFF my FUCKIN It’s ok MoSHI You’re ALRIGHT.

*snickers*